I dated a boy for four months. We shared inside jokes, we laughed together, we toyed with the idea of marriage and how many kids we’d have. We were going to beat the odds. I was going to go to college while he pursued a career and after all that, we would blissfully start a life together in our house with a white picket fence and our Russian blue kitten.
And then, it went away.
Somehow, all this left in a day. He turned cold and all these feelings, and how I meant the world to him were forgotten. How does this happen? How could he feel this strongly for me and then suddenly not feel that way? Feelings are so fickle.
If it weren’t for his sweatshirt in my closet and the necklace he gave me around my neck, it would be like it never happened. Dissolved, gone. I just can’t comprehend how this happens. He didn’t break my heart, not quite, but he did something to my heart. I’m smarter, less naive, but also, cynical, colder. My standards are higher. For better or worse, I will be more picky when choosing a potential boyfriend.
All in all, I’m glad for the lessons learned:
- What worries you from the start most likely won’t go away, so trust your intuition. I had doubts about him from very early on. I chose to ignore these doubts, but in the end, the things that worried me from the start were what ruined us.
- Don’t fall in love with someone’s potential. Fall in love with who actually are, and not who they may become if/when they mature, have different influences, get the help they need, etc.
- If you’ve gotta change who you are for the other person, you’re not a good match. For example, I wanted him to be more driven, more college-bound and he wished I was less independent, less serious. We’d have both have to change ourselves in order to be happy with the other.
Now about a month later, I feel free. I can spend this summer with my family, writing, working and preparing for my new college adventure.
I’ve let go, and I’m on to a better, brighter future.